I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
