Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
