I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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