Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize