He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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