He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
