So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
