i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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