So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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