I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
