I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
