so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We don't watch enough power rangers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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