shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
