my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
