is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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