My liver just broke up with me...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
