Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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