I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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