I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
