Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
