AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
