So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
