My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
