lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
