Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
