My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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