dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
