don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
