he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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