He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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