You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
