its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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