chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
