How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
