Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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