She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
