Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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