True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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