So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
