Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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