I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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