ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
