actually, I'm a sock model
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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