she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
