I'm so fucking centered right now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my liver is dry heaving
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
