Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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