im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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