I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
