And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever