Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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