I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think my moral compass just broke
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
