im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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