You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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