Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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