fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your shirt... Was in my pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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