What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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