I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
