are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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