but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
