yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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