Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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