i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
