i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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